A very good reason to watch out for this car.

The CRIMINAL!


The CRIME!


`nuff said… :)

“Girls… Can’t kill them, can’t live without them either.”

21st Birthday with me!

Woo hoo! My family treated me to The Ship at Damansara Utama Uptown. One word… ok, well two… BIG PORTIONS!
I ordered the err… BBQ-something-something that tasted vaguely like chicken.
The oxtail soup was wonderful. So was my Dad’s onion soup. Peter ordered a round of oysters baked over with cheese for everyone. Now, I’m not a huge fan of oysters. They taste too fishy for my liking. But these… Well, I think that for once in my life I’ve actually ate one that was cooked right.

The complementary Happy Birthday song was sang by The Ship’s very own jolly crew.
Cake was… errr.. tasted like chicken too. Hahahah no no no I'm kidding. Actually, I really didn’t ask what it was. Tiramisu, I think…

A big thank you to Dad, Mom, Che Che, Little XMM, Pete and PoPo for the wonderful meal. I actually became fatter… for about 1 hour… then I was hungry again. :P






Meanwhile, somewhere last week, my cell group celebrated my annual existent into the world in their own way! Lynn was fortunate enough to share almost the same birthday as me so she gets to share in my limlight too. It is great honor! Buwhahahahahahaahahah!





Jo, my birthday is not on the 16th but I forgive u!
Beloved Leader Charmaine, thanks. This is the first time I've celebtrated with a "cg" before. And it was very very very nice!
Ester, thanks for buying the cake!
To Marilyn, Tai Yen, Hseing Liang and the others... THANK YOU! This meant alot to me.


Next, thank you KC and Jia Qi for writing HAPPY BIRTHDAY & 21! with invincible ink… on my arm. :P


Feels like… a dead body from a CSI episode and they are doing the infamous “blue-light” thingy… eww.

Lastly… a shout out!
I would like to thank David, Mark and Sean for the Halo novels! Da M4ster Chief is m4 b1tch n0w!
Lek Soon and Dottiee for the wickedly funny and properly British joke book.
Adrian who called all the way from Aussie (although only 15 seconds but it was nice hearing from u again… well, besides your voice on MSN).
Brenda and Shu Ying for celebrating the same time as me!
Cousin Spang and Cousin Pooi Lum for your wishes.
Woon, Gareth, Vinny, Pei Ru, Charlotte, Daffy, Rachel, Penny, Dawn, Fan Lee, Gab Gab and so many others!

Thank you all! It has been a blast!

“I’ll rather hear a no than forever wonder if she would’ve said yes.”

You're only twenty-one once!

Vincent Tan.
Level 21 Single Heterosexual Male Human.
Class: University Student.

Well, this is it. The 21st barrier of my life. Would I go to bed tonight as a boy and wake up tomorrow as man?

Probably not…

Although there are many things that I thought would be accomplished by now, I guess I’ll have to look at the bigger picture too.

There were many unexpected incidents that had happen to me. Some good, some downright painful. But all these experiences have shaped me to be stronger, faster, better. So yeah, in the long run I may not be the super rock star I had envisioned myself to be when I turn 21.

But I did discover who I am. That I can go through anything the world throws at me and I can still come out looking shiny out the other end… Well, albeit a little grumpy at times. :P

Pictures of presents and celebrations to come soon. Camera died… I’ve drained the soul out of my Lumix.

“21 years old today and allergic to alcohol… Now it will get interesting.”

She was not the one for me after all

Well, she wasn’t the one after all. The good thing is I’m neither too sad nor overly depressed about it. I’m not too sure if that is a good sign though. Been shot down so many times that I am getting used to it already! :(

Which leads to another dilemma of mine. How will I know which is the right one when she comes? When I first met her, it was like… finally finding a piece of the puzzle that actually fits. All the signs pointed towards her. Every other girl that I have found attractive in the past began to dull away. I was never this certain about any girl before. That I could just say, “Yes, this is the one for me” without any doubt what-so-ever. There was no… barrier in communications, no self-consciousness. For once, I’ve met a girl that I like without my brain screaming: saysomethingfunnysayanythingsaysomethingjustopenyour
mouthandspeakwaitnocloseityouaregappinglikeanidoit.

She was just plainly… perfect.

I felt like I could be just myself and that she actually finds me special enough to be her's as well.

However, after that first week, things got a little… odd.
She wasn’t ignoring me outright but she didn’t seam to be intrigued by me anymore. Like she doesn’t go out of her way to say hi or anything, which was quite a contrast to the week before. Tried to start a conversation with her a couple of times but… she just clamped up on me. It felt so awkward. Like a comedian doing an act with a room full of stony-faced audiences.

I know I know… all the girls who are reading this will probably go like “See? All you boys are soooo perasaan. Just because a leng lui talk to you you think she is all hot for you already!”.

But really, after the December 2005 Incident, I sincerely believe that she was my light at the end of the tunnel. That God has finally lead me to someone really special.

Well, to cut things short, I thought maybe she is the kind that you know… get stressed up with work or exam results and then clamps up to people she doesn’t really know during that time. But when I asked her what’s up, she will just say nothing, everything’s fine. Work isn’t bothering me etc etc. I’m happy.

Well, after 2 weeks of wondering to myself “Was it something I said? Was it something I did wrong?” I just went and ask her directly. Perhaps using the medium of MSN wasn’t such a good idea. How we say things in person might not sound the way we meant it when we type it out in words. Sometimes, we really take for granted our ability to express ourselves with body language, tone, intonations and volume.

But under the circumstances, face-to-face would’ve just backed her into a corner and calling her on the phone… well, that’s worst in my opinion. I fancy myself good in words so why not? :P

It turned ugly really fast. At first I thought it was writers block, that I didn’t have a good feel for my audience. That everything I say was the absolutely worst possible thing I could have said to her.
But in the end, I think she already made up her mind about me and well… no matter what I say she would’ve jumped on it anyway.

After a lot of “now your sounding weird” and “your not making any sense” (and a lot of emoticons… I swear that girl has emoticons for every occasion!), she finally just dropped the ball on me.

It hurt a little that she thinks I’m just like every other guy out there in the world. That isn’t me (well, which guy ever does, right? :P). Although she didn’t specifically say it out loud, I am not the obsessive/jerk type. I don’t expect a girl that I’ve only just met for a week to call me everyday or stick with me like glue for every waking moment. No, no, no! I just want to know what had happen between now and 2 weeks ago. Why the sudden change? Of course she didn’t see any changes at all… Everything is fine. It was only me that see it that way.

So basically, she already has an opinion about me and she doesn’t like what she sees so far. I was not her one. I probably read a sign of her just wanting to be just friends as another signal. I guess guys are really easily "perasaan"-ted. I am no different.

She ask me outright whether I am trying to ‘pikat’ her and then ending her question with an emoticon of a stick man jumping off a building and dying in a pool of blood.

Ouch…

So I replied honestly: “I just want to be your friend. Just like how we were 2 weeks ago. If something more happens in time, good. If not… then ok. That’s all”. And that is truly how I felt.

She then ended the whole things stating she isn’t comfortable being my friend. Don’t want to get too close to me. “You’re scary”.

Sigh… well, at least that is better than December 2005 Incident’s “you were so negative until I felt like dying around you!”

‘Scary’ is an improvement in this case, I suppose :P

So yeah, to the girl that I thought was the one for me, if you are reading this:
My feelings towards you are sincere. I just thought you were the light at the end of my dark tunnel and I made a move. I took a chance. I took my shot. Was it too strong a move? Maybe… But I have no regrets about it. I did what I thought was right. I’m not a player, I never been in a relationship before. I’m not looking for a one off thing. I want someone special… someone who I can see a future with. Someone who loves me for who I am. I know we’ve only met and you’re probably thinking “you don’t know me so how can you possibly say that kind of things?” Well, put it this way. I want to know you. If only you have just given me the chance to. I’m sorry that you feel that way about me. It is my hope that we can still be friends.

Well, that is it. I dunno what else I can possibly say at this point to make things go the way I want them to go. I guess things aren't meant to go your way so that you can learn other ways to handle things. I just wish there was an instruction manual for relationships. :)

"1 Corinthians 13:4 – 13:7"

The Truth…

Ever wonder why the assholes and jackasses always get da girls?
What in the world could they possible have that you don’t?
Well… This may shad some light on the whole mystery.

Check out this video from You Tube’s site.
It’s funny (especially at the end! LOL!!)
but it also makes ya think.

Yellow Fever

So what do u guys (especially u gals) think about it? Lets hear some views!

Thanks, Dottie for the site! :P

"Hugo Weaving aka Agent Elrond V"

101 fun-filled things to do before assignments are due!

Ever had an assignment to hand in and suddenly everything around you seams soooo interesting to do? Things like rearranging you entire room, cleaning the toilet and watering your cactus?


Doing Assignment 1 of Applied Macro/Microeconomics. Notice the blank work-pad? This shot is like so staged!

How about taking PHOTOS on the things you are doing while procrastinate away the time needed to do assignments? Wooo yeah! Who da man?!! :P


With the advancements of the Internet age, procrastinating hasn’t been so easy nor this fun to do! Webcomics are the 3vil! Thank you, Mr. Derek for your entire list of webcomic sites. Currently on the lappie is Angry Zen Master.


Say hello to Raj, my pet cactus.


I have no idea where this Snoopy keychain came from. All I know is that it was there ever since I moved into this room. The spirit of Charles Schulz haunts me! Aieeeee!

I am really trying to turn over a new leaf. Suppose to get assignments done ‘early’ and actually ‘do’ my tutorials for once. Guess it is hard to break an old habit.
But no worries, I suppose. Still got like a whole semester worth of assignments up ahead… Lots of chances to change myself. Can’t hardly wait. Wee heee…. :(

“You all are shit audience… BELLY DANCE!”

I may have lost the war but I won some shoes!

Well, I did not get the Editor post. Which is all well and good anyway. The Mass Con people do have the facilities, know-how, personnel and the much needed support from their very own lecturers.
Although I did say that win or lose, it matters not. But as usual, thinking about something and actually seeing it for real is kinda different. I feel a little more down than I have anticipated :(
Well, at least I had fun campaigning. Met a few new friends and undoubtedly widen my social circle.
Plus, I’ve learned a valuable lesson on whoring ones self to the public! :P

Anyway, I’ve finally gotten myself a pair of shoes that are of the same color now for once. One of my old pair of white Nikes was turning to a sickly yellow hue.


Thank you for the new shoes!

Bought them from The Curve for RM 199 a pair. I originally wanted something on a more conservative scale. Black and white with the same designs as this one so that I can match it with anything I wear. But, thanks to my obese feet, buying shoes is never so easy for me.
I just go into a shoes store and ask:
”Boss, ambik saiz terbesar awak!”
Try it on. Usually can’t fit. Move on to the next store. Repeat.

The largest they had for the black and white was size 9! Hahahahaha! Jokers!

So yeah, had to take these ones. Size 11 was the largest they’ve got and it just fits me nicely. Just hope I don’t grow anymore.
There was another design too and they were size 11. But I left it to my little sister’s taste. She thinks these ones are cool. So, I think they are cool too. :)

"Ai yo yo! So slippery!"

Cam's shakedown cruise.

Yesterday was officially good food day! Together with my dad and David, we went downtown to purchase the family’s new Panasonic Lumix FX 9 digital camera. After we parked behind the courts, my dad suggested:

”You guys wanna eat at the best steak house in KL?”

So we hobbled over to The Coliseum, a really 60s old school café/hotel that specialized in steaks. My dad and I had the sirloin steak set while David ordered the Maryland chicken. Dave was the smart one. His plate was overwhelming with chicken, sausages and what-nots. I even had to help him with ¼ of his Maryland. :P

Anyway, a downpour quickly descended over the heart of KL. So after our scrumptious meal, we ran towards Pertama Complex where supposedly all my uncles from overseas patronized a particular camera shop called Selangor Photographers. It has the lowest prices for cameras. Trust me, my uncles are a very thrifty bunch. They know a good deal when they see one.

Negotiated from the sticker price of RM 1588 to about RM 1330 for the camera together with a 512mb SD card. WoW! Good bargain! The lowest price I have seen so far was at SS2 for RM 1355 with the same free stuff.

He then helpfully ‘suggested’ a spare battery and a ‘LCD Screen Guard’.
“I give you best price for these items if you purchase them together la! Extra battery I give you half price and super LCD screen guard I cut off RM 15. So all together I give you total RM 1500.”

Errr… thinking back now, the seller always has the last laugh in Malaysia after all. :(


This is officially the first photo with my family's new Lumix. Me dad!

Later after that, we took a walk outside the front of the courts where they were showcasing cars. In my opinion, displaying Kancils together with a Mercedes CLS 350? Sacrilegious! I was too scared to unpack the camera from the box so I did not have any pictures of the event. Check David’s blog though. He took pictures of a Mazda 6, a Ducati p0w4hbike and several other classics such as the Aston Martin DB 6.

Later, I went to church to bring the camera for a shakedown cruise.

DUMC's 6.30pm Saturday evening service.

After that, the usual gang (David, Sean, and Mark) together with Adrian’s sister Germaine and Mark's cousin Alex went out for dinner. But their CG was celebrating Justin’s going away to the land of lamb chops (New Zealand) so it was another super meal for me at at a SS2 Italian restaurant next to ESC cyber cafe. They originally wanted to go to some steamboat place but it has been replaced by… ESC! Hahahaha!


From left: Alex, Sean, David, Mark and me! Jun Wei on the extreme right. Germaine too cam shy so she took the picture. :P



Mark, David and Sean's CG. The picture was taken by me!


AntiPasto? Anti-Pest in Italian? Uh-oh...


Afterwards, I went home and played with the camera somemore!


Do you have it in black?




This is my room/family storage area. Any ideas for a makeover?



So nice after renovations!



Fredrick “Little Angel” Tan. More like angel of destruction. My shoes! Waah!
He is probably thinking that the camera I am holding is food or something.

Well that is it for now. Ting tow teh!

"...and we will win this war, with a little help from God and a few Marines."

Vote For Tan 2006!

My customer service department has recently informed me about the number of readers who complained about the length of my blog.
The last time it was the infrequent updates.
Sigh... I really do not want to be involved in marketing after all.
Humans are never satisfied.
Wonder if it is too late to change my major?

Anyway, this week has been surreal. The campaigning alone for the post of MUSA (my university’s student association) Editor has been great. I have never felt so confident and at home in school since… well pre-K.

Poster of my face everywhere around the campus grounds, giving out leaflets to friends and strangers who are now my friends, people coming up to me to wish me luck and shake my hand. Even if I do not secure the post (results at 2.30pm, Monday @ the MUSA lounge) I am happy that I have tried my best to get the post. It is a win-win situation for me really. If I get the editor post, it will look good in my CV and I’ll have the opportunity to create something cool for the people. If I lose, then I will have a lot of free time to write-in any articles I want to do (I am already the magazine’s sub-editor), do my assignments well (I hope to up my credit average to at least a distinction average in order to get a post-graduate scholarship in communications overseas. Well, that is the current plan anyway) and maybe find myself a girl for once. :P

Campaigning period official started last Friday but the General Secretary only told us like around 2pm so the competitors (there are 2 other parties fighting me for the post!) and I had the weekend to properly design my posters and such.



To Mark and Jinny, thanks for all your help. I really need Photoshop on my coms, man. Such a wicked program!

So anyway, I only got my picture inserted into my poster on Tuesday morning and handed in the master copy for MUSA’s approval. It was rejected due to the word REWARD: HE WILL GIVE YOU A MAGAZINE WORTH PICKING UP.

“I’m sorry, but they say you cannot put the word REWARD. You cannot promise the people anything,” said Gen Sec. I was like… Ok what ever! Hahaha! Kononnya I cannot promise to do my job well in my posters.

Same thing happened for the second time too. I apparently cannot use the word GIVE. Arrrggg! So frustrating!

Lost my car keys, finally bumped into the girl of my dreams, found back my keys at Sunway Security office, submitted my poster's master copy, approved by MUSA, had a drink with the girl of my dreams and found out that she is so much more than anything I could ever possibly dream about, went on a poster photocopying rampage, totally blew-off the antagonists from The December 2005 Incident, gotten a nasty paper cut from my posters and spent about RM10 on 1901 Hotdogs in one sitting (I can’t help myself! They must have put LSD in them!).

Besides that, my faithful white fully-authentic Petaling Street Nike sneakers decided to permanently retire after I ran up and down campus to put up posters on every empty notice board I could find. Well, running back and forth between my parked car at the elephant walk to campus grounds 3 times in a day may also contributed to my shoe’s demise.

In conclusion, I have never felt so good about life and myself in general. I think I may be on the right path for once.

PS: I am going to get a digital camera tomorrow! The Panasonic Lumix FX 9! The blog will have more pictures in the future. But Woon also invited me to a Mechwarrior tabletop game tommorrow @ Comic's Corner SS15 at 2pm. I was planning to bring along the gang too (Sean, David, Mark) but now we will have to see if i can get back on time.

I got to go cell now. Vincent, out!

EDIT: Woon called it off. His shore leave was cancelled. Tommorrow, my dad, David and I are going out to buy the camera. Big sister adviced us to check out Sungai Way first for the lowest prices.

“I drive by faith and not by sight!”

Quirky quirks!

Quirks. Everyone has them. Sometime irritating, sometimes endears but downright funny to watch most of the time.

There are some quirks about myself that I am consciously aware of. I’m sure that there are several more obnoxious ones that my friends and family are just too polite to say out loud! :P

One of them is my inability to completely contain the ‘world’ inside my head. This ‘world’ is a continuingly expanding universe in my brain that has been evolving ever since I was in like primary school or something. It all started out as me fantasying my very own cozy tree-house club where I can hang out and order pizzas everyday. It soon evolved to something like the “Hardy Boys” where my advisories range from school jerks to evil masterminds determined for world domination.

The current ‘world’ is what you might typically find in a military-obsessed heterosexual male who watches a bit too much sci-fi and reads a lot of fantasy novels. Throw in a little anime influence inside and BAM! My very own space opera where I control the storyline. I control the direction of the characters. I control the music. Basically, playing God in my very own head. Heh heh.. Loaded God-complex, cock it and pull it!

Anyway, this has effect the way I’ve carried things every since I could hold something in my hands without dropping them! Textbooks to me are like rifles. I’ll grasp the edges like as if I’m holding on to an assault carbine, complete with my index finger “off the trigger” (for safely purposes of course) and my thumb twitching up and down to “select the mode of fire”. If I’m holding on to something tubular, it will usually be my very own grenade launcher and I’ll periodically “reload” it by “breaking open the top to insert a round”. I associate my schoolbags as if they are my “standard issued combat poncho” with everything I need to survive “behind enemy lines”. A seemingly innocent object such as a TV remote could mean “space frigate” in my mind and sometimes I’ll “fight them ship to ship” with the DVD remote controller! Throwing away Coke cans is like tossing a hand-grenade down the hatch of an enemy tank. I’ll pull off the “pin”, open the dustbin and shout “Fire in the hole!” while sprinting away for cover. I’ll carry around my guitar as if I’m brandishing a LAW rocket launcher and I’ll even kneel down to “take a shot” at a speeding Kancil!

When no one is looking (or if I’m with someone who is quite used to my particular quirks), I’ll walk around as if I’m some kind of “Special Forces” soldier, moving in a caution combat stance with my weapon raised, poised to take down some “tangos/terrorists” (or hordes of charging aliens depending on which planet I’m currently on) in an instant. This is probably due to the amount of Counter-Strike (and lately a lot of FPS computer games) I’ve played. I’m pretty sure the security cameras in stairwells all around the Klang Valley have caught me on tape attempting to “breach a doorway”.

In a nutshell, just imagine a boy who hasn’t really grown up from playing “Cowboys and Indians” in public. My buddy Sean, who knows more about guns and shit much more than me could always tell when I’m acting out my little world (he even joins in sometimes!) Imagine two fully-grown university students “covering each other’s backs” while stalking around campus grounds. It’s a mystery why we don’t have girlfriends… :(

Although this particular quirk comes about when no one is looking or among friends, subconsciously it has influenced the way I speak sometimes. Don’t be surprise if I sometimes greet people with a curt “sir?” or “ma`am?”

Another of my quirks would be the way I pronounce certain words. Coming from a national school background my “England isn’t very tall”. A fact that my dad and Mark notices (and corrects) all the time! There are times when I talk way too fast for people to understand especially when I’m trying to describe something. I also got this habit of repeating stuff twice in a row especially the punch line in a joke or an insightful observation.

I also have this quirk where I like to pick inside someone’s brains. If I’m visiting a house for the fist time, I’ll really take a long look around. Family photos, decorations, the design on the ceilings, kitchen appliances, all of them can tell me a little story about my host. While having a conversation with a stranger, I sometimes have this habit of asking personal questions out front. I guess I just like to know how someone ticks, that’s all. Makes me feel like I can understand others better.

I’m also a little “neat-freak” as compared to others in my family. It is not like I have the constant urge to mop and disinfect my surroundings but more on if I put my hand where I can’t see it, I will find the thing I’m looking for without actually looking. Unfortunately, my family (with the exception of my mom who I think I take up after in terms of mental faculties) is kinda messy. Take my car of example. Inside, it is very neatly Spartan. But whenever my dad or elder sister takes the car, there always seams to be more leaves and dirt on the floor mats. The mirrors are misaligned and the windows have more smudges on them. And for some reason, my dad decided to move furniture inside my hunchback car a few years back. The window tints now bear ugly scars all over! Worst, when I reach behind for the steering lock, it is not there! I turn around and it’s on the other side of the car! Aieee!

Ok, fine. Maybe I’m a little too nutty on the whole neatness thing. But I rather suspect that my dad sometimes deliberately messes up the car’s carpets and hides the steering lock under the seat just to get a raise out of me. He will go like “Hello?! This is not YOUR car. This is the MY car seeing that I paid for it. I can mess it up all I want. You are just the driver.” My family really knows how to push my buttons sometimes.

Another quirk of mine? Procrastination! The bed always looks so nice just to lie in whenever assignments are due. Take this blog entry for example. It is now 4.38am on a school night. Woo pee doo! Which leads to another bad habit of mine. Sleeping in lectures. Comrade Procrastinator is strong!

To me, humor is very important. I believe sometimes it is not what you know, who you know but just simply on how you say things. I’ve observed that many misunderstandings and conflicts can be avoided with some common sense and quick talking. Humor is like… the Indian accent. Pop it in and the tension's gone! (Ala Russell Peters). Sometimes, the humor I produced is kind of obscure so I rather suspect that most of the time people are just laughing at my funniness out of courtesy. :(

But really, I am a funny guy and humor is my primary icebreaker. I rather like doing the whole sardonic/deadpan humor thing. Sometimes though, I may have accidentally offended certain people in the quest to make others laugh. A bad quirk of mine that I am currently trying to correct.

I really like walking around. Let me sit down or run about but don’t force me to stand still. I really can’t! I rather walk for miles than stand up for five minutes. Pacing about sort of like helps me to piece together a solution for a particular problem I’m having. It also gives me my private space to think about stuff, as many people do not like to go walk walk!

Well, its kinda late so I guess I'll shut up for now. I hope Mr. Dogan doesn't mind me sleeping in his lectures... again.

"Apathy is always funnier than ignorance."

Loss

Gosh… I’m just reading over my blog and… I do whine a lot, don’t I? Adrian was kind enough to point out that I am a bitchy little runt outside the digital world too. I really hope he was just joking. :(

Anyway, I seam to have figured out what when wrong during the creative process of creating my blog. Too many back stories!

So, instead of telling my whole life story from birth to… well hopefully not death (sounds like the narrator from Desperate Housewives though), I will hence forth blog events and feelings that are currently happening to me. Now. Yes yes… that is what a blog was supposed to be in the first place. For back-stories and additional footage, purchase the Special Edition DVD where there is an extended scene of me bitching.

Anyway, on a darker note, Charmaine and Hansel Goh’s mother passed away a couple of days ago. I am a relatively new member in Char’s CG (she is the cell leader) and although I do not know her or the mother very well (I do know Hansel but we weren’t very close unfortunately), her sharing about her mother’s condition during cell last Friday made me feel a little closer to them.

So when I heard the news, I really didn’t know how to sort my feelings. It was an odd mixture of sadness and… distance? I dunno. I was just beginning to know Char and some part of me feels like a stranger to the tragedy and yet the other part feels remorse and the desire to do something, anything for them.

One thing is for certain, I was going to be there together with the cell during the wake. Man, it has been such a long time since I’ve attended a funeral. The weeping, haggard appearances, blood-shot eyes and restrained smiles, all these sights seams to have more significant (and impact) as we age. Seeing the Gohs united in their loss, holding on to each other for support as one pillar of their entire foundation was stuck down was a somber inspiration to me. That a huge loss can bring people even closer than before to fill in the void that was left.

How can I describe hugging a son who has just lost his mother? I can’t. Frankly, I don’t know what I’ll do if I should lose my dad or mom. I felt helpless in the sense that I can’t do or say anything that can help.

Later, one by one, people that knew the late Mrs. Goh stood up to give their testimonies. From how she inspired to push them beyond what they could only possible dream about to simple acts of kindness that can forever change the fate of someone’s life. However, I think the best and far most powerful testimony is the presence of nearly 200 over people crowding the streets. That alone is a testimonial of her legacy. I may not have known the late Mrs. Goh, but I would sure have liked to meet her.

I later realized that I may have done just what had needed to be done. To be among that 200 people. It may be just a simple act, just standing there… but I think it meant a lot.

One thing that creeped me out was how the funeral attendants were… smiling. It was a really creepy smile they had when they went around offering sandwiches and drinks to everyone. I won’t say it was inappropriate or anything, they were just doing their job. I guess it can’t harm to have a few smiling faces around, albeit creepy ones. Another thing that struck me was the plastic water cup that was used. For some reason, whenever I see those pre-sealed RO water cups, it always reminds me of death. I have never seen those cups being used anywhere else besides a funeral. However, one thing that really annoyed me was during the family’s testimonies. There was this woman who was literally screaming into her hand phone about making soup or some sort to the person on the other end. Now, that was just plain rude and disrespecting to the Gohs. As typical mentally of these kind of people, not even the frowns of 200 people looking behind and staring ‘cock’ was enough to deter the woman. Some people just don’t get hints very well.

Well, the wake ended around 10.30pm. Pastor Daniel gave the benediction and for the first time in my life, I actually felt something. Anyway, the first thing I did when I got back was to hug my mom and dad.

Fitting in part 2

And for some reason, I was wrong about them too. Which is kind of… odd. I always pride myself as someone who seeks the real side of things. Always bothering to hear the other side of the story, finding out what makes a person tick. Being impartial until I get all the facts straight. Wanting to understand the other as much as my side of the view. I guess this is due to the fact that many didn’t take the time to better understand and know who I am before passing their almighty judgment on me when I was growing up. So I subconsciously vowed never to do that.

Ironically, like many things my life (which are one too many already I might add), we often become the one thing we so despise.

Shortly after the Dec05 incident, I’ve made a conscious decision to give cell group another go. So I decided maybe a new group alone without any of my usual buddies. That would force me to mix around. It was really hard for the first couple of weeks. The same pressures I’ve felt the last time I was there resurfaced all over again. Frankly, it was quite disappointing. I had thought that my stitch with The Star and the new post-Dec05 attitude would’ve make things easier but it seams I’ve gotten nowhere in terms of my ability to relate to the cell.

But for some reason, I still kept on coming back. In fact, I was accidentally recruited into Flare, the campus youth zone’s in-house band. So now, I’m going for church activities 3 times a week minimum! That is regarded as crazy for someone like me.

However, fate/God/whatever probably had me come in when many of the cell members were going through some tough times. In fact, my Dec05 incident seams kinda petty even. Well, the one thing I’ve learned is that sharing about personal stuff (no matter how trivial it sounds to outsiders) sorts of bonds you with your cellmates, regardless of whether you want to or not. There seams to be a connection established even though I did not want it to happen. Although I’ll like to make a note that I dread having the “So how is your walk with God nowadays?” kinda questions but when I answered honestly, even though my stand was totally different from everybody, it brought me closer to them.

Well, if not currently going to cell/Flare for the glory of God, I am certainly going for the people there.

And today, I think one of them really needs us right now. I do not know what to say or do, but I think the least I can do is to be there for her.