Loss

Gosh… I’m just reading over my blog and… I do whine a lot, don’t I? Adrian was kind enough to point out that I am a bitchy little runt outside the digital world too. I really hope he was just joking. :(

Anyway, I seam to have figured out what when wrong during the creative process of creating my blog. Too many back stories!

So, instead of telling my whole life story from birth to… well hopefully not death (sounds like the narrator from Desperate Housewives though), I will hence forth blog events and feelings that are currently happening to me. Now. Yes yes… that is what a blog was supposed to be in the first place. For back-stories and additional footage, purchase the Special Edition DVD where there is an extended scene of me bitching.

Anyway, on a darker note, Charmaine and Hansel Goh’s mother passed away a couple of days ago. I am a relatively new member in Char’s CG (she is the cell leader) and although I do not know her or the mother very well (I do know Hansel but we weren’t very close unfortunately), her sharing about her mother’s condition during cell last Friday made me feel a little closer to them.

So when I heard the news, I really didn’t know how to sort my feelings. It was an odd mixture of sadness and… distance? I dunno. I was just beginning to know Char and some part of me feels like a stranger to the tragedy and yet the other part feels remorse and the desire to do something, anything for them.

One thing is for certain, I was going to be there together with the cell during the wake. Man, it has been such a long time since I’ve attended a funeral. The weeping, haggard appearances, blood-shot eyes and restrained smiles, all these sights seams to have more significant (and impact) as we age. Seeing the Gohs united in their loss, holding on to each other for support as one pillar of their entire foundation was stuck down was a somber inspiration to me. That a huge loss can bring people even closer than before to fill in the void that was left.

How can I describe hugging a son who has just lost his mother? I can’t. Frankly, I don’t know what I’ll do if I should lose my dad or mom. I felt helpless in the sense that I can’t do or say anything that can help.

Later, one by one, people that knew the late Mrs. Goh stood up to give their testimonies. From how she inspired to push them beyond what they could only possible dream about to simple acts of kindness that can forever change the fate of someone’s life. However, I think the best and far most powerful testimony is the presence of nearly 200 over people crowding the streets. That alone is a testimonial of her legacy. I may not have known the late Mrs. Goh, but I would sure have liked to meet her.

I later realized that I may have done just what had needed to be done. To be among that 200 people. It may be just a simple act, just standing there… but I think it meant a lot.

One thing that creeped me out was how the funeral attendants were… smiling. It was a really creepy smile they had when they went around offering sandwiches and drinks to everyone. I won’t say it was inappropriate or anything, they were just doing their job. I guess it can’t harm to have a few smiling faces around, albeit creepy ones. Another thing that struck me was the plastic water cup that was used. For some reason, whenever I see those pre-sealed RO water cups, it always reminds me of death. I have never seen those cups being used anywhere else besides a funeral. However, one thing that really annoyed me was during the family’s testimonies. There was this woman who was literally screaming into her hand phone about making soup or some sort to the person on the other end. Now, that was just plain rude and disrespecting to the Gohs. As typical mentally of these kind of people, not even the frowns of 200 people looking behind and staring ‘cock’ was enough to deter the woman. Some people just don’t get hints very well.

Well, the wake ended around 10.30pm. Pastor Daniel gave the benediction and for the first time in my life, I actually felt something. Anyway, the first thing I did when I got back was to hug my mom and dad.