Neither Here Nor There, But Who The Hell Cares?

"Stuck In The Middle" by buddha1822

There was once, quite awhile ago, when someone foreseen that I had both feet planted between two boats.

Either too scared to jump to one side, or unwilling step off from any.

But one thing was clear, they were going in two totally opposite directions.

Each with its own pull and influence.

And I've found myself continuously getting stuck in-between.

But life, being obnoxiously persistent, can survive anywhere.

And who knows?

It might just stand out in the end.

=======================================

"Someone who serves two masters has to lie to one."

If You’re Going to Get Shot Down, You Might as Well Look Good Crashing

I’m stuck in the middle.

I am working for a middleman trading house.

I am the middle child of a middle class family.

Hell, even my examination scores were usually just 50%.

So it’s not surprising that my love life is kinda stuck as well.

In the not-so-distance past, the girls that I’ve used to go after do not seem particularly interested.

As a good friend of mine preaches, girls love assholes.

Reason?

Simple… these guys are scumbags.

In some twisted logic, girls (in my age gap anyway) will find more “freedom” in a relationship with these kind of boys.

It is sheer genius actually, if you would give a pause and think about it.

The relationship can either end because of the girl’s fault, or the guy’s fault, aye?

If the breakup was caused by the girl, so what?

Guys like these will just shrug and bounce right back on to someone in a heartbeat (give or take a little “tayang-menwayang” to show that he was victimized to gain some brownie points for his the next endeavor).

So the girl doesn’t need to concern herself with those rather inconvenient feelings such as guilt and remorse.

The guy will live, with little to no ill effect.

On the other hand, if it’s the guy’s fault for the breakup… well, wasn’t it expected?

I sincerely doubt that the girl did not even once consider the possibility of infidelity and/or over-possessiveness, which are the hallmarks of such guys, during the initial stages of the relationship.

No doubt, being wronged by someone really does hurt, believe you me.

But I believe, deep, deep, deeeeeep down, the girl was prepared, one way or another, for such an eventuality.



The JoJo song above could not have said it any better. Things like “sincerely falling for someone” are only exclusively reserved for stupid people who do not know how to play the game.

So anyway, the girls that I’ve tried to court in the past will regard me as the rather “serious/nice-guy” type, I suppose.

Now, see, there’s the problem.

Girls are now faced with a dilemma.

Putting aside those really evil bitches, a typical young girl’s conscience would rather not take the risk of actually hurting someone who isn’t suffering from severe asshole-lism.

Or worse still, being hurt by someone who is genuinely “nice”, further raising the possibility that there is something so inherently wrong/evil with you that you could even bring out the worst in the nicest of them.

The fear of actually screwing up something real… something significant… something utterly and infinitely more meaningful isn’t something that most people would want to risk.

Or alternately, many girls are under the impression that by getting together with me, it’s as good as a marriage (or a jail sentence, depending on who you talk to).

Look, I’m not the Pope, alright? I don’t expect my first girlfriend to be my wife.

I am just interested in pursuing a relationship that could lead into something more.

For awhile, after several painful lessons in the finer points of rejection, I was quite contented to the fact that I would not find someone in the near future.

But I did, in a quite unexpected way actually.

Usually when I fall for someone, I used to follow the old saying that "once a guy and a girl reaches the friendship stage, don’t place hope for anything more to happen".

Well, when I’ve first met her slightly over half a year ago, I was actually crushing on someone else.

And I really thought she was together with this other guy.

Anyway, to cut a long story short, we gradually met up more often and I’ve grown to really like her, more than a friend should.

She is already pretty to begin with (she has these sharp and striking features, a trait which I find quite rare among Malaysian girls), but there is this radiating glow about her that gets brighter the more you get to know her.

Headstrong, intelligent and confident, she inspires me to be bigger than my current self.

Sure, sometimes I feel like a kid around her… nay, more like a student in the presence of a reproachful Mandarin teacher (heh heh!) but there is a softer side to her which she guards well.

Any-hoo, I’ve tried my best to woo the said lass. She did consider pursuing the relationship to more-than-just-friends status, but I, in an ironic and quite cruel twist of fate, wasn’t the “secure” choice.

I was deemed too easily contented with my comfort zone.

In my honest opinion though, I think it is silly reason.

I am loyal, kind, funny, kinda-good-looking-ish, have a good starting career, totally adore her and secure enough with my inner self that I don’t see the need to dominate the relationship.

I guess that different people have different priorities during different periods of their lives.

But instead of cowing down in the face insurmountable odds, instead of just giving up and justifying to myself with statements like what chance in hell do I have with a girl like her, I fought back.

Even though nothing happen in the end, I have absolutely no regrets.

I’ve done my best, shown her a great time and I think we genuinely had alot of fun together.

More importantly, I did not lose a friend.

However, the curse of my middle-ism has stuck again. Playful girls think I’m too nice + serious and serious girls think I’m too comfortable and easily contented.

Ah, well… it’s not the first time. I dunno whether to be overly concerned or glad that I don’t feel too sad about rejection anymore, even after half a year pursuing the said girl.

Anyway, after our talk, I turned on the car radio after dropping her off and lo and behold; her “theme song” came on, right on cue.



Snow Patrol - Signal Fire
The perfect words never crossed my mind,
'cause there was nothing in there but you,
I felt every ounce of me screaming out,
But the sound was trapped deep in me,

All I wanted just sped right past me,
While I was rooted fast to the earth,
I could be stuck here for a thousand years,
Without your arms to drag me out,

There you are standing right in front of me (x2)
All this fear falls away to leave me naked,
Hold me close cause I need you to guide me to safety

No I don't wanna wait forever (x2)

In the confusion and the aftermath,
You are my signal fire,
The only resolution and the only joy,
Is the faint spark of forgiveness in your eyes,

A sign from above?

God, I certainly hope not.

"In proper English: I say, take that, you scoundrel!"
"Translated to proper Malay: AMBIK KAU!"

Conjunctivitis, Because Every Blink Fucking Hurts

Imagine a shard of glass craving down your eyeballs,

then multiple that by 10 times per minute.

Of course, those who contracted conjunctivitis react differently to it. Some choose to look at it in a positive spin, saying to themselves: Hey, at least I get some days off work!

But all I thought was… wtf… you only start screwing up my eyeballs on a Friday night?!

Couldn’t you have the decency to start on Monday, you little microscopic bastards?!

Like in the middle of crunch time at the office?! Let all my co-workers see me spasm in painful agony, with tainted tears flying at every direction.

I’m sure I’ll like get a week’s worth of MC. Nothing like dramatizing an infectious disease in front of your bosses to really want them to get you off work.

Needless to say, there goes a perfectly good weekend. Missed Pei Ru’s birthday party, movie outings, a tour of the new Monash campus and quality fraging time down at the ole café.

Of course, I was devastated when I realized that the virus wasn’t an onset of some really cool super power...

Like x-ray vision… yeah, I could see how that could come in handy.

Anyway, I was just reading a book after a college reunion dinner on Friday night when all of the sudden, I felt this prick in my left eye. I thought it was just dust or something so I tried to wash it out.

Obviously, it didn’t work so instead of worrying about it, I thought I’ll just sleep it off.

Woke up the next morning feeling absolutely terrible.

What was truly sickening was that it was a beautiful sunny Saturday morning, and the sunlight kept my eyes tearing.

I could hardly keep my eyes open to walk, let alone drive… which I tried to do because David and me were planning to head down to the new Monash campus to hand in our graduation ceremony’s conformation forms (Graduation! Yea!).

Well, after picking up Dave, I thought I’ll just swing on by the nearest pharmacy to get some Eye Mo before heading down to Sunway, seeing how it miraculously works all the time for people on TV.

But deep down, I knew the bitter truth.

Janie’s entire school librarian corp had conjunctivitis and she had stayed home for the better part of the past week. Then my grandma caught it too.

I guess it is like some viral “pass-the-parcel” game.

At this point, my pinkish eyes were a leaking tap and I could only see about a couple of meters ahead before my vision starts to water out.

And David really insisted I go see a doctor instead of using my self-proclaimed “ultra-human perception and 1337 reaction time” to drive us safely to Monash.

Well, at least I am putting my company’s health benefits to good use. Just flash my medical card to any participating panel clinics and fill up a short form and you’re good to go.

Bothersome hassle of actually paying for medical services? Gone!

So yeah, found out I still could watch TV.

If I look to the left and blink slowly, it doesn’t hurt!

It took awhile to get use to blinking like an… idiot… but hey, at least I got to watch tons of weaponry documentaries, music videos, cartoons and back-to-back episodes of Ghost Whisperer.

Jennifer Love Hewitt = yummy!

Oh, I did get Monday off though. Which eliminates my usual Monday blues for the week… unfortunately, it doesn’t cure my Tuesday blues, Wednesday blues, Thurs… … …

"YOU’RE a trophy wife? What contest in hell did I win?"
- Peter Boyle (1935 - 2006) -

Now Armed with a Tie and a Office Shirt

What is the definition of lucky?

Is it getting what you specifically want, or stumbling into things that you didn’t want in the first place but, after thinking about it, needed?

I guess that pretty sums up what had happen to me since my last entry, oh-so many months ago.

I’ve dropped the freelancer work culture aspirations and ended up in a corporate monkey suit.

Well, it doesn’t sound that bad, really. There are after all the undeniable perks such as a stable (and very sweet I might add!) income$$$ and the experienced gained from working at a multinational company.

In case you didn’t know, I’ve ended up working with DKSH (Kneel before the awful might of the Fantree!).

We are a trading house, dealing with goods such as condoms all the way to pet food. We distribute M&Ms, Ovaltine, Pedigree, Whiskas, Scholl Shoes, Brand’s Essence of Chicken, Mattel Toys, Durex, Mamy Poko, Sofy, Gallo Wines, Timex watches, Casio digital cameras, raw chemicals and a shitload of other stuff.

We are basically the largest and the big daddy of the distribution industry. However, being the middle man, we are constantly being torn into two halves by the agencies we represent and the global key buyers such as Giant/Carrefour/Tesco.

Being a management trainee, my job is to… well, learn. A one-year educational tour of the various departments that makes up the company.

Can’t say that being in a sales field was what I had in mind as a career choice, but it’s a prim and proper, 5-days a week, 9-5 job.

We will see how it goes then.

“Fall down seven, get up eight.”
- Old Japanese saying -

Oh... Riiiiiight!

Silly me!

The password was correct,

but I was putting in the wrong username!

"DKSHHHHHH You!"

Now, To Take On The World!

I’ve been swearing a lot lately. Like a drunken salty sailor during Oktoberfest. It is not that I am depressed or anything though. I just find myself funnier when I sprinkle some profanities hare and there. More flavor. Makes me feel cultured. Just have to be careful around my parents though…

On a side note, I’m done. Finished. Finito. No more school for me, ever!

Well, that is if I don’t screw up my last paper or it is back to another round of Mr. Heartbroken Assp3rt again. Funny though that when I pictured walking out of Sunway campus for the last time as a student, people would be coming up to me and shaking my hands saying things like: “God speed, lad!” or something like that. Ooooo also with petals raining from the sky and an orchestra composed in my honor!

Disappointingly, nothing of such sort happened. Everyone just went about their business, as if one of their greatest isn’t leaving their pathetic existents.

No matter, I suppose. They will have their chance to kneel down before their Emperor once I take over the world.

Buwahahahahahaha!

Anyway, moving on. Lizzie has gone down to the land of the Down Under to give psychiatric help to emotionally scarred dugongs.
Good luck, Lizzie. And watch out for those crazy man-eating killer marsupials out there in the Outback!

In relation to work, things are winding down a little for me now as we approach CNY. The only complain I have is the inhumane working conditions for our discriminated teddy bear work force.

They get the more humiliating jobs such as being the corporate paperweight.

And I’ve also been reading up on famous Internet Phenomena. Check this one out:

He was there for a job interview at BBC and instead he ended up in front of the camera… LIVE! He became sort of a folk legend among the common men.

Unfortunately, he still didn’t get the job... Pity. Such a witty fellow playing along!

"We didn't come for your oil! We came to kick your ass! "

- Over There (2005) -

I'm Working!

Well, it’s been one bloody long week, I must say. First off, my car decided to die right at the SYUC’s parking ticket dispenser. Caused a well and good traffic jam all the way to the guard house until some cool Sunway guard dude came to help me push Ah-WHY aside.

Oh yeah, the cause of Ah-WHY's demise was my accident a few weeks back when I skidded on a rainy day and trampled over the walkway-curbs above the LDP’s underpass (the one right before Uptown DU). Really messed up my undercarriage, that one. Luckily, I didn’t kill anyone… including myself. It could have been much worse than that.

Exhaust and oil gasket were busted beyond repair so I had to replace em. Now I am broke even though my folks were very gracious to pay ½ of the cost for an accident that was 100% my fault. But I am still very broke… :(

I’m also doing internship… again. This time as an in-house writer for Youth Malaysia. Pretty cool because Da Big Boss has some very ambitious plans for the site. In fact, on my 2nd day, I was well on my way to a private party at Loft KL for an exclusive interview with Choy and May, those very cheeky twin VJs from MTV. And here I was, in probably one of the most exclusive and happening parties, wearing my dorky schoolbag because I came straight from the office. Ugggg… :(

I think the interview will be up on YM's site soon.

Well, I didn’t actually do any interviewing per se… I just held up the recorder while Jo did all the talking. She is much better at interviewing people than I am anyway.

I must say though that Choy and May looks very foreign up close. To me, they look much more Asian on TV and magazines.

And I hate KL roads... Really, I do. Getting lost isn't fun there.

Da Big Boss is apparently an ex-model himself, you see and is on a first name basis with nearly every local celebrity! Damm man… it so freaking easy for him to hook us up. Check out an older interview with Amber Chia. This was before I was signed aboard YM.

Anyway, now I’m doing a juggling act with my coming exams while doing my day job. And time management isn’t my strongest suite.

Live Free or Die Hard! Die Hard 4 is coming! It looks very very very nice.
Now I have a machine gun, ho ho ho!


"Yippee Ki Yay, mother-fuckers!"
- Die Hard (1988) -